No Girl Gang? No problem.
Hi. I haven’t written in ages. Life. But I’m here again. Hope you’ll have me back.
I am back because I have a topic. Topics I want to talk about have been elusive lately, hence the lack of posts. But I have one. So I’m back.
I want to talk about friendships. Why I don’t have a girl gang and why I’m ok with that. I don’t know about yours- but my instagram is a wash with groups of girls having endless fun, holidays, festivals, hen dos. And while I have a few close friends, I’ve never been part of that gang. And I’m ok with it.
I have had lots of friendship breakups along the way to my 30s. I could of had the gang. By friendship break ups I mean, the friends that you no longer have in your life for whatever reason. Sometimes my choosing, sometimes theirs, like any relationship I suppose. But being over 30 means you will probably have had a friendship break up along the way. And you know what? That’s fine. I am not the same person I was when I was 19. I have two children, a husband and a fruit loop dog. I am different and sometimes people don’t want to be friends with the new version. And that is ok too. I find with friendships, if you don’t work on them (both sides) the changes and stages in your life will interfere and you will lose that friendship. Any relationship needs to be worked on. I haven’t always had the time in my recent years to prioritise those friend relationships. For me, my family life will always come first and the balance is a constant one to maintain.
Of course there will always be my OGs who I will be friends for life with. But there will be new friends, friends that suit the stage in your life you are now. Friends that will come and friends that will go. And that is FINE. There is very rarely the fairytale where friends stay friends forever and ever and in one big happy gang. I usually find girls have the one close friend and to have that you are incredibly lucky. What you see on Instagram is probably acquaintances, I have a lot of those. But real, deep friendships are the ones to cherish. The ones you can call at 3am. If you wouldn’t phone someone in the middle of the night to come and collect you, they are not your friend.
I have built fantastic relationships on social media, I speak to a small group daily. The beauty of social media is that you can chose your friendships. Many of my past friendships have happened because of school or work- coincidences that have bought us together. And not knocking that, I have built some brilliant lasting friendships this way. But with social media I have CHOSEN who I get along with, based on similar interests, humour and a whole load of banter. It infuriates me when people knock the world of social media, as I’ve found some beautiful people whose paths may never have crossed mine if we hadn’t downloaded an app and over shared our lives with each other.
What I’m trying to say is if you have 3 people coming on your hen do or 33- it’s not the quantity it’s the quality. Speaking to someone on Instagram earlier this year they said they were shocked that I said I’d rather stay at home and that I don’t have a huge group of friends. But I don’t, I would rather be in my nest with my boys most days and the friends I have are the friends who get that. Occasionally I’ll rise like a Phoenix and let my hair down but on the whole this is where I’m happiest.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t feel bad if you get to your 30s and realise you haven’t prioritised friendships. My mum has recently reconnected with old school friends after years apart and have just been on holiday together. There will be new friends and the old faithfuls along the journey of your life. And that is all you need. No girl gang? No problem.