Help! I have a Hangover

Following on from yesterday’s party season post and banging on about December I thought what do I really need to KNOW through December? I need a cure for Hangovers. I need some help in this area. I can suffer BADLY. Banging headaches, sickness, spinning rooms. It’s a real issue. I know the obvious answer would be to drink less but I’m festive and the mood strikes me for some cheeky cocktails and a few gins and a few wines. Not all at once I hasten to add. I’m not stupid. Let’s not go mad. I’m not sure when this ability, skill if you like, to have a desperate hangover happened. I used to be able to go out all night at university and get up fresh as a daisy and sit on the checkout in Sainsbury’s. Not just for fun- I worked there. I might have smelt of WKD blue but I didn’t have a headache and I’d do it all again that night. Now, in my 30s, the hangovers can last days, weeks, months. Every time I’m convinced I’m coming down with some mystery tropical virus, one that will probably have me on a slab, but then I realise it’s just wine flu.

The trying-to-avoid-a-Hangover routine starts before I go out. Get your munch on! This is probably the best advice I can offer. I know you might feel ‘lighter’ and ‘more comfortable’ not eating before you spray on your tight party dress for a night on the tiles, but honestly have some food before you get boozey. Drinking on an empty stomach might make you feel tipsy quicker but it will also set you up for a savage hang over. Also try and have something to eat before you go to bed. Not a bloody burger sauce drenched doner kebab – that will just dehydrate you more… try having some fruit. A banana is a good shout. Someone (three wise men) once told me potassium helps to prevent hangovers – not sure if that is true but maybe just the placebo helps! Or have a bowl of cereal before you get your head down. You’ll probably slip on a banana skin or be greeted with cornflakes all over the floor and possibly the milk left out when you wake up, but hopefully you’ll be hangover free. Who am I kidding? I’d take a kebab over a banana any day. But if you’re serious about trying to avoid a hangover (and you have to be) then you gotta do what you gotta do.  *Slips banana into clutch bag for taxi journey home, but I’ll probably end up trying to call said taxi from it*

Keep hydrated. Water is your friend. Obviously, but I forget this. Try and fit in a few glasses of H2O during your night out and a few before you go out. Consuming  copious amounts of wine alone is not the ideal way for one to remain hydrated. Try to have some water between every couple of glasses of vino. I do try this, but I swear Jesus is about because my water turns into wine. There do seem to be a lot of bearded blokes about lately…

Steer clear of caffeine. I don’t have a lot of caffeine really because I don’t like hot drinks. I do find that if I have any drinks with caffeine in on a night out though, I feel a lot worse in the morning. So now I avoid using coke or red bull as a spirit mixer. No Jaegaer bombs for me. If I do I’d be a shaking mess the next day on some kind of caffeine come down. Maybe it’s becasue I never have it that it effects me badly. I have found certain drinks make me worse. Wine. I love wine but it seems to give me an adult headache the next day beyond belief. I still drink it. I have found a gin and soda water gives me less of a problem the next day but this has taken years of trial and error and rigorous testing. Honestly they should do some kind of study on me- I’d be up for it.

Now I *might* just have found the perfect drinking companion. Vie Natural Recovary Patches. Some futuristic, sciencey technology that will help your body to break down alcohol. Honestly. Mind blown. Containing essential herbs, vitamins and minerals, it’s sure to give you a helping hand in recovering. Amazing right? You pop the patch on for 24 hours and it does what it says on the tin. You need to buy these this December. They would make a great gift too- what better than the gift of a hangover free Sunday? Sign me up for a box of 100. I’m not going to go into the science of it because I have no frigging clue how it works- but it does. The patch helps these essential vitamins get into your blood stream through the skin. I love the disclaimer they come with “The patch will not prevent intoxication”. Get the inventor of this on the honours list at once.

So, pre night out is important but so is post night out. The morning after and your first tentative steps back into the real world are important. Make sure the kids are babysat till at least 10am- AT LEAST. Have a decent breakfast. Stodge. Bacon sandwich. McDonald’s. Get it in you. This is not the time for healthy eating. You’ve abused your body enough- go on and abuse it some more. I’m not sure if there is any logical explanation for this but I am adimant scrambled eggs make me feel better too! Have a MILKSHAKE. Yep. Another bit of science for you- a milkshake. According to research, drinking a milkshake straight from the fridge can help cool and settle an inflamed stomach and rehydrate the body. Plus, the mix of sugars and milk proteins make it ideal for raising energy levels and restoring lost nutrients after a heavy night. Get. In. My. Belly. The lovely people at Shaken Udder have provided me with a fair few to help me through December. And they are absolutely delicious. Shaken Udder produces five fantastic shakes: Salted Caramel, Top Banana, Chocolush, Vanillialicious and Strawberries & Clotted Cream, so there’s a flavour to suit all tastes. I am fighting Dad of Mad Lads for the Salted Caramel ones most weekends. Get stocked up for the festive season guys. I found it to 100% help my hangover.

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If I follow all these things I can just about scrape through without a hangover effecting me too badly. And like I said, I am a sufferer. Many a Saturday/ Sunday I have been a complete right off and nobody got time for that over the festive period. I hope it helps you during the party season too. *off to supermarket to buy milkshakes, bananas, bacon, eggs*

I’ll leave you with The Hangover- a poem I wrote and posted a while back.

When I was a whipper-snapper,
The Hangover did not phase,
IF one should occur,
Just in bed I would laze.
I’d drink Lucazade and order a tonne of junk food,
Slowly but surely lifting my delicate mood.

But this morning I am a parent,
And I hear that high-pitched sound,
Of my children crying out for me
And my head begins to pound.
One gets an I-pad and the other gets a dummy,
And I pray please do not let them need their mummy.

In bed I lie- eyes shut to stop the room from spinning.
FUCK toddlers here standing next to my bed and singing.
What does he want? I need to face my duty.
Doubt he’ll be up for a real-life Sleeping Beauty.

The headache and queasy feeling will last all day- I know it.
Time to step up and snap out of it.
I really cannot show it.

Every time this happens I swear I’m never drinking again.
But we all know this is bullshit-
Next time will be the same.
When the drinks are flowing I just can’t refrain.
Maybe grandparents are free to come and ease my pain?

So I’ll struggle on and get through this day.
There simply is no other way.

They will take full advantage of their weak and fragile Mum.
They can play with anything they want today.
JUST NOT THAT SODDING DRUM.

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