So Long Ebenezer Geezer

‘Tis the season! Yes, yes it is! Or should that be yes ‘tis? Hmmm? The season has actually landed now, like officially! ‘Tis exactly one month until Christmas weekend begins! ‘Tis time for us all to embrace and enjoy the fun and festivities that the big J Man’s birthday brings! Would it be annoying if I began each and every sentence with ‘tis in an effort to sound fully onboard with Christmas? I’m going to go with ‘yes it would’ and spare you the unnecessary migraine!


So this time of year has been a number of things to me throughout my life. I’ve mostly enjoyed it but have actually been known to be a bit of an Ebenezer kind of geezer in the past too. Not when I was young of course, I loved Christmas when I was a kid, well I assume I did. I can’t actually remember all of my childhood in great detail now, but I’m pretty certain I would have gone along with the masses and greatly enjoyed sitting on a fat fella’s knee to tell him how good I’d been ALL YEAR LONG and what he needed to reward me with for being the child legend that I was. A bike… Lego… basically the same things kids ask him for today. Yes I would have also been that stereotypical kid not wanting to go to bed on Christmas eve, of course I was, and when I was finally tucked up, not being able to sleep because I was listening out for the jingling of bells and the smashing of Kentish Peg tiles being booted off the cottage roof by Rudolf and the gang. I would have attempted to stay awake long enough to catch a glimpse of the Big Father C Dog himself, hoping to witness him miraculously squeezing his fat arse out of our fireplace. I do remember that one year I knew the chimney was definitely clear for him to get down because a water rat (yes rat) had recently taken the same route into our lounge and caused complete and utter chaos. That’s another story though… I’ll cover that thrilling tale in my “how water rats fuck up your home and send your mother into inconsolable delirium” blog post that will be coming mid to late 2018. I also remember that, despite my best efforts, the child me would always fall asleep on Christmas Eve, every year without fail, I’d knock right out and miss all the commotion. Every time! It was fine though because when I woke up the bearded beauty had always been. The whiskey and mince pies would have vanished, standard, I knew the fat git loved his grub! However, the real star of the show that made his visit evident was the pile of goodies he’d left under the Christmas tree for me and my sisters. Yes! He listened! I had been good! Go on Santa you bloody jolly legend!


Those were the golden years. When I believed in the magic of Christmas and more importantly got loads of new stuff. I guess the getting new stuff was part of Christmas that I continued to enjoy for many more years. Even when I knew it was my mum that bought it all, I didn’t care, new stuff was great. Christmas was great! ‘Tis the dogs bollocks of seasons.

Then came the next phase… when I was old enough to get a bit boozey and appreciate finer cuisine such as mum’s Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and deluxe Christmas pudding with brandy butter cream and a fuck off Toblerone as big as your arm. Yes, I’ll admit that getting new stuff was still a part I would enjoy, even at legal drinking age and perhaps even a few years beyond, in fact anyone that says “it’s not about the receiving blah blah blah” is basically lying. Everyone likes getting new stuff. Fact.

less tattoos less kids

There was, however, a stark and sudden switcharoo in my opinion of the festive season during my next phase of life. I was living on my own hundreds of miles from home (well approx 113miles but still not at home) and Christmas started to piss me off. I was working in the restaurant trade which meant I had to deal with an absolute load of staff Christmas parties. This showed me a new side to Christmas. All of a sudden it wasn’t so festive… lots of people being total twats wasn’t so festive. People that I’m sure were generally nice and decent people suddenly turned into twats. This went on for a good month. This long and tiresome month wasn’t so festive. Every day more people, more twats, more festivity sucking leeches. I began to resent Christmas. “It’s all fake bullshit anyway” I thought to myself. Waste of time, waste of money! BAH! The endless trail of not so festive twats had turned me into Ebenezer. Bah Fucking Humbug. I was sick of Christmas dinners and Christmas pudding and brandy butter and turkey and cranberry sauce and crackers and fucking Baileys! “Shall we have a Baileys guys? A little Christmas Baileys? Yeah come on let’s have a Baileys. It is Christmas after all! Baileys Craig? Baileys Sandra? Baileys Anthony? Let’s all have a Baileys! Waiter, waiter, OIII WAITER OVE HERE… twenty eight double Baileys”!! The twat leader of the twats had made his request clear, in a not so festive manner. Anyway you get the idea. Being away from my home, my family and surrounded by other people ‘letting their hair down’ while I ran around like a blue ass fly made Christmas a complete shitstorm of a season. I’m sure it’s the same for lots of industry’s like retail.

It wasn’t until I moved back to my hometown and spent the festive season with my family and friends once again that my love for Christmas was reignited. My Christmas candle was lit again and oh my it would burn strong! Family time was fun. We ate lots, we drank lots, we played games. We laughed, we joked, we loved… we lived! Soz cringe. There were still presents too, sure, there’ll always be presents, and I still enjoy receiving them. Even socks… love a good pair of socks now. Chrimbo was back in my good books. There was no more of the Ebenezer Geezer. When I met my wife I suddenly had another family to enjoy the festive season with too… I had double Christmas. Double family fun, two Christmas dinners, drink, jokes. ‘Twas the season now for real.


Which brings me to now. Christmas now is beyond awesome. Having kids brings a whole new level of enjoyment to the tinsel dressed table. I thought being a kid at Christmas was the best thing, turns out having kids at Christmas is better. The eldest lad Eden, being almost 3, is now well and truly onboard with Christmas. He loves the decorations, he loves the lights, he loves the magic, he loves the lists to write and the Santa meetings. He loves it all. What does he love most? What do you think? Baileys of course! God that king of the twats guy has ruined Baileys for me forever. No, most of all, like everyone else, he loves the presents. The new toys, the new clothes, the unwrapping, the surprises. He’s not a frantic lunatic though, he savours it and he really, really enjoys each and every present. This is what makes Christmas the most special time of year. The kids! Our kids! Xander is still at an age where he doesn’t understand what is going on, but he will understand unwrapping and getting new toys. Of course he will. And eating… the boy loves to eat (absolutely no idea where he gets that from) He loves being around people, friends and family to show off to – he’s gonna love this time of year even if he doesn’t know why. Christmas will be BIG in Xander’s book!


‘Tis the season people. The season to spend time with friends and family! Embrace and enjoy!




3 thoughts on “So Long Ebenezer Geezer

  1. Great post!! Loved it and totally related. I love Christmas and do the whole shebang with my little ones, but I still think early November is still too soon for the festivities to begin…… totally looking forward to my family Christmas though!


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