Instant Insta Dad

For those of you (probably most of you) who don’t know me, I am Sam. Husband to Emma (mumofmadlads, formerly thefaketanmum), dad to the same two mad lads as her; Eden and Xander, obviously! These three facts about me make me a pretty fucking lucky guy. I don’t know what I did to end up with such a perfect little family but I’m not gonna dwell on it – they are the best three facts about me – Emma, Eden and Xander! Vinnie the dog is right up there too but hasn’t quite made the podium on this occasion… Soz Vincenzo!! (Emma’s blogged about the demise of the dog in our household recently – we still love you Vinz)

Anyway I’m not gonna lie, this feels odd to me, I am officially ‘outside my comfort zone’ right now. I never thought I’d actually attempt to write a blog. I’ve witnessed my better half successfully do this for months and have often encouraged her to continue because she is really fucking good at writing! I may just be a biased spouse or it may be because I have literally experienced first hand a lot of what she writes about, but I genuinely do thoroughly enjoy her posts! I’ve often said to her “I might give this blogging shit a go too” with intentions of around maybe 3 or 4 percent of actually considering to follow through with this threat! So yeah this threat has had to become a reality now thanks to said better half. She just announced the other week that she has changed her blog site from thefaketanmum.com to madladsmumanddad.com “so now you can write blogs too”. Umm, right, ok… yeah cheers babe! No pressure… I was definitely 100% going to start blogging off my own back around this time anyway, definitely!

So I didn’t really know how to attempt to write or what the fuck to write about?!! “Something you’ve recently experienced” was sound advice from Emma. Easy for you to say Agatha Fucking Christie… you’re blessed with some crazy ability to effortlessly create funny, relevant and interesting literature at the drop of a hat. I don’t believe I am actually concise enough to be able to write without boring the reader shitless… I tend to babble and am prone to waffle (this may already be evident in this article). So what shall I write about? Has there been a recent event that has occurred in my life and changes something for better or for worse? Actually yes, very much so! I’ve only gone and re-connected with the outside world and got an Instagram account haven’t I! This may not sound like very thrilling news to most of you but for me this is HUGE! I have not been one for social networking over the past few years; it’s pretty common knowledge among my peers that I don’t do social networking. They no longer send event invites to me via Facebook (I don’t think) because they know I won’t see it and they won’t get a response. They probably don’t ‘tag’ me in their photos if that’s even still a thing. Not that I see my mates for long enough to have a photo these days… big up dadlife! I’m that guy who says “if you need to get hold of me don’t fucking Facebook me, just call me ,or better yet email me or send me an SMS” (so I can decide whether or not to participate in a conversation with you). I know what you’re probably thinking, I sound like a right grumpy shit! I don’t like to necessarily think of it as being ‘grumpy’ so much, maybe more like being effectively economical with my time. Clearly I’m so important and so busy that I can make selfish selective decisions like this. God I really do sound like a horrible bastard!

Don’t get me wrong, I used to love a bit of Facebook in it’s earlier days and enjoyed participating in regular ‘online social banter’, fuck me it was even my platform of choice to woo Emma after I’d found her up in the club (old school I know) and now we’re married and everything! She experienced some classic ice-breaker moves from yours truly back in the Spring of 2009, she knew instantly that this was the season she’d been waiting all her life for! Yeah right, of course she did… she didn’t play hard to get at all and I definitely didn’t persist and pretty much beg her until she gave in! Course not! So although I haven’t been on the social networking scene for some time now, I guess ultimately without Facebook I may not have actually embarked on the journey of discovery that led me to find my actual real life soul mate and assisted in my endeavour to make her mine. Yes that’s a bit vommy I know, but it’s a cold hard fact so sorry but not sorry!

Until very recently, the only networking site I used was LinkedIn because basically I’m a boring fuck and it’s productive.! I’ve never Twittered or Twitted or Tweeted. Ever. I tried WhatsApp for about 3 days and then deleted the shit out of it because every time I picked my phone up it had another 70 unread messages from the various ‘group chats’ I had been invited to join. Basically a load of shit, which the other participants probably classed as ‘banter’ but was more like a bunch of bored lads trading twatty comments for no real apparent reason other than to piss off anyone else in the group that didn’t care about how much of a knobhead Dave was for being bottom of the fantasy football league that week! Utter nonsense. I saw Snapchat in the App Store once and read the description about 5 times to try and decipher its purpose. My decoding attempts were unsuccessful and I never understood it so never thought it was an essential app for me to own. Which leads me on to the only other major social networking site I haven’t yet mentioned; Instagram of course or as I’ve quickly learned ‘IG’ or ‘The Gram’! Now my historic relationship with Instagram has been fairly turbulent. I have experienced a bag of mixed emotions towards this service. When my wife first told me about this new concept of documenting your life through pictures I actually thought “that sounds pretty cool but is not something that I can realistically see myself participating in”. The thing is I never really took pictures of anything and couldn’t see myself suddenly becoming David fucking Bailey overnight so I just dismissed Instagram as ‘not for me’. Emma, on the other hand, fully embraced this new medium from the get go and enthusiastically threw herself into a world of pixels and hashtags! She was good at snapping and already took pictures at every opportunity anyway so it was easy for her! “You crack on babe, it will be nice to have an online photo album of our life too”. I was supportive of this endeavour and it was a nice touch to witness our lives via the best selected shots she had taken from that day! It became a bit of a frustration when she would spend long spells of time scrawling through Instagram instead of getting ready to go out or instead of talking, but it was mostly fine. My real issue with Instagram was born when they introduced ‘stories’. It drove me mad when I’d be laying in bed drifting off to sleep and I’d be abruptly disturbed by a 15 second sound bite.

Anyway, unnecessarily long story short, sorry again for the waffle, I have recently put my social networking ignorance to rest and am now a full blown instadad! And I am absolutely loving it! I am addicted and bordering on obsessed with it now! It has opened my eyes to a world of like-minded parents out there who experience the same unconditional love for their kids and the real life struggles those same kids bring! It is an opportunity for me to share my amazing little lads with the world and also treat everyone to a little piece of my crazy mind! You’re welcome!

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