Yesterday we decided to go to Legoland. In Half Term. It was hell. The end.

What were we thinking? Half term doesn’t apply to us yet. We could have gone on a random Monday when no one was about. But we went with friends who half term does apply to. And we got a shocking glimpse into our future when our babes are at school.

There were kids pouring from every direction. Climbing, cartwheeling (I nearly got taken out by a flip-flop frisbee), crashing, crying everywhere you turned. The squeals were loud and the queues were long.

I did my mum bit and watched the bags while the others went off on a ride. Fine with me. Half an hour wait it said. I can actually sit and collect my thoughts for a bit. I sat with Xander and sipped my re-fillable Diet Coke. I had approx 6 bags, the babe and two prams in tow. And then… He decided to do one of those number twos that comes up the front of the nappy, out the sides, and down the back. Xander has never done this. Ever. Why now? The others had been gone only about 5 minutes so I was on my own. With all this stuff and a shitty (literally and emotionally) baby. No way could I guide it all to the baby change and there was a queue (obvs) so I just hid behind the nearest tree and unleashed carnage.

He didn’t have any spare clothes because I’m not that bloody organised and totally not used to this happening. I got him naked in his pram and used a whole pack of baby wipes to clean him up and the pram- yes it was in there too. All the while trying to shield him from nosey kids and judgemental perfect mothers. And watch the stuff. Wallets, phones, cameras- I was a prime target for thieves whilst I was pre-occupied with shit everywhere. His clothes went in the bin and I was left with a chubby cutie in just his nappy. Luckily it was warm. I had swimming shorts for Eden so they went on him and I managed to salvage his hoodie with some more wiping. Poor baby, he looked a sorry state. Swim-shorts way too big and a hoodie with nothing underneath, his little belly poking out. Must take spare clothes in future.

My husband and toddler waved at me from the ride and I made a cut throat signal and pretended to shoot myself in the head. Husband looked at me puzzled. It took all my willpower not shout across “He’s only gone and shit EVERYWHERE” but I refrained. Instead, I held him up in his massive shorts and hoped Daddy got the SOS message. They fell to his ankles as I did it.

Drama over. We continued around the park. We reached the water bit. Eden demanded his shorts back. I gave myself a pat on the back for remembering his swim stuff and towels and then remembered I didn’t- husband did. He’s so bloody perfect. But I love those parents that were letting their kids go in their pants. Or the clothes they stood up in. Go for it. Would of been Eden if we didn’t have super dad remembering his trunks. Of course there were militant mums. All the gear. Even talc to rub in wet creases. Special water proof Sunhats with UV material. Non-slip water shoes. How do they do it? My baby was sitting here in just his nappy. Soggy, saggy nappy that was weighing him down where he had a splash in the water too. Eden was shouting “It’s Bloody Freezing”. The kids in their pants were having more fun I noticed…

We had an all you can eat buffet lunch of pizza and pasta. And our kids mixed their drinks. It was like an 18-30 holiday to Magaluf. Except it was 7 months to 7 years. Coke and Sprite. Fanta and Tango. They were going to go even more loopy. We stuffed some pizza in the bottom of the pram for later. We let Eden run around the restaurant with one shoe. He was drunk on the fun of it. We were enjoying ourselves. And so were our kids.

We even got to meet a first-aider when Eden took ALL the skin off his palm running down a hill in his drunken haze. He couldn’t use his hand for the rest of the day. Too sore mummy. But he didn’t let it stop him. The plaster was the talk of the toddlers- all declaring they wanted one. Suddenly, Eden wasn’t so upset about his fall.

Poor Xander was now just in a hoodie and  nappy because his big bros swim shorts were sodden. He had the worst end to his day. Or best. Depending how you look at it. We watched the Pirate Show. Totally didn’t take in the “If you are in the splash zone- you will get wet warnings.” Sitting on Daddy’s lap in the depths of the “splash zone” there was a sudden and unexpected, ice-cold water cannon unleashed in his face. His expression of shock and the drips falling from his eyelashes had me in stitches. Our friend had his phone out at the time too. Watching my husband, his mate and Xander all soaked and shocked was the funniest end to a brilliant day.

We managed a total of about 7 rides. Yes it was chaos, yes my baby had no clothes, yes my ears were ringing from high-pitched children. Our feet were sore, so was Edens hand, but our hearts were full. Memories made. Smiling faces witnessed. That’s why we do it isn’t it. Why we put ourselves through it?

We need to get Lego-less. Now.

One thought on “Lego-Less

  1. Loved this- brilliant! So funny that Isabelle did one of these shitty runners when I met you today 🙈❤️😍💩
    I laughed out loud at this because it’s so true you do think ohhh no not now kill me haha… xxx


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