Weaning, Winging, Winning.

Can I start by asking WHO INVENTED BABY LED WEANING? Bloody hell. Food everywhere except in their mouths. Giving my six month old some toast. Fingers- of course so easier to hold. He just squashed it around his face. He cried when it went in his eye. He tried it in his ear too but then realised the mouth was where it’s at. He dropped it. He cried again. He chewed a bit off and spat it out down his chin. Soggy pieces of toast resemble large bogies. Nice. Wiped his face. He cried again. Literally it’s toast mate that’s all. When you are at uni in 18 years you’ll be thankful for it as it’s all you will be able to cook. Toast Meet Xander, Xander meet toast. The start of a long affair.

I gave him pear. What a disaster. Too slippery. It kept evading his tiny hands. He cried. I suppose when using your hands is as tricky and needs as much precision as a moon landing, slippery pear will really piss you off. Was quite funny watching him try though. In the end I held it and let him munch it while muttering “Don’t get used to this, I’ve been doing it for six months- time to learn to feed yourself.”. Might as well get him to move out next week too.

Top tip for baby led weaning is get a dog if you don’t already have one. They will clean up on the stuff off the floor and you won’t have to. Except fruit- they won’t touch that. But soggy toast yes yes yes. They are all over that.

I’ve actually been doing a combination of spoon feeding and baby led weaning. And the spoon feeding is just as “fun”. He’s at that age where he wants to touch EVERYTHING. This includes a spoon loaded with some radioactive orange purée headed towards his face. It’s mission impossible. His hands are those laser things and if he touches the spoon it will fly through the air, flick up my face and the alarm will sound. Not as lucky as Mr Cruise I get caught every time. I fed him in white jeans recently and he whacked the spoon and splattered me. Should have known. If you have tried to get that orange stuff off of any clothes-  you will know it is better not to bother and place said clothes straight in the bin. Is there a bib invented that’s also kind of like a straight jacket and keeps their arms in? Asking for a friend. It doesn’t matter really what bib you put on them- they will get it EVERYWHERE anyway. And you will inevitably forget one when you are out. Hats off to the mums who keep their bubs immaculate during this stage. Mine always has some sort of crust on his face and stain on his top. Oh and it doesn’t matter how well you think you have wiped and cleaned his face that porridge seems to magically reappear a few moments later. Usually in his fluffy eyebrow hair.

AND THE RASPBERRIES. Not the food, he hasn’t tried those yet. But the ones he blows from his tiny cheeks… when he has a mouthful of the radioactive puree. CHEERS FOR THAT. His face and mine look like a fake tan disaster.

Sometimes my baby does not want the food I have lovingly prepared. Lies. Grab a pouch from the cupboard and squeeze it on a spoon. I mean, as if I’m going to blend kale for him to spit it in my face. When he doesn’t want the food he does “The Clamp”. Mouth clamped shut. And I mean shut. Pursed lips. No chance is that spoon getting in. I begin the trickery of offering him his dummy and then getting the food in when his mouth is open for his favourite dummy. Falls for it every time.  Offer him his precious milk and that mouth becomes as wide as the Dartford Tunnel. Can’t blame him I don’t like kale either. Making him eat it whilst eating a donut seems so out of order. Don’t do as I do and all that. Eat your kale.

Weaning does have its fun bits. The faces he pulls make me laugh so hard. The way he opens his mouth like a little bird for me to feed him when it’s something he really likes, is adorable. When he does feed himself the sense of accomplishment is greater than anything. Especially if I DID cook it. That simple instinct to feed your cubs is unexplainable. And when it all goes to plan this Mum is on top of the world.

Food is everything in life. There is a quote that says you cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if you have not dined well (Virgina Woolf). So feed him I will. And feed him well. Any which way. I will introduce him to as many foods as I can because really is there anything more fun than that? I don’t think so. Fossilised porridge on the floor- Bring. It. On. I’ve got a jumbo pack of baby wipes.

3 thoughts on “Weaning, Winging, Winning.

  1. Haha! Thanks for the laugh, so much funnier when it’s happening to someone else 😉 P.S if anyone gets back to you about the feeding straight jacket, can you please let me know?!


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