The Fake Tan Mum
I am a fake tan Mum. The Kind of Mum who fake tans before her sons swimming lessons. Yes I want to give up my Saturday morning to teach him to swim, but I don’t want to look pasty while doing so.
The Fake Tan mums are part of the generation who really can have it all. Sometimes too much. The Fake Tan Mum feels the pressure from celeb culture and the media to look good whilst parenting. It’s a burden. It’s another thing on the long list of things to do. But we feel better for it. Bit of makeup, bronzed bits and a nice top and bring it on. Baby class with judgy mums- no problem. Supermarket with judgy customers- breezed it. Look at me winning at parenting. I’ve got Fake Tan on and lippy. I’ve got my shit together. It’s a constant battle between a few minutes extra sleep or a few extra minutes applying some slap.
My poor boys have played with more makeup brushes than drag queens.
The Fake Tan Mum is not that PERFECT mum with swishy hair and probably hired-help. The Fake Tan mum is a regular mum, loves the bones of her kiddos but loves baby free days too and a bit of booze. Somewhere in between the mumsy mums and the super glam mums.
If your TV planner is Paw Patrol and Peppa Pig mixed with Keeping up With The Kardashians and TOWIE you are probably a Fake Tan Mum. If you head out for a baby free day/ night but are home early, passed out and tired, you are probably a Fake Tan Mum too. If your perfect day is a glass of wine in a sunny garden whilst watching them play- you are a Fake Tan Mum. If you wear leggings and joggers, but they are nice ones from Zara and your trainers are Nike- you are probably a Fake Tan mum. If your “mum bun” took 4 attempts and some hairspray- you are a Fake Tan Mum. If you just quickly paint over the chips in your nail varnish rather than take it off and start again, you are probably a Fake Tan Mum. If your favourite sound is your kids laugh, but your second is the pop of a cork- you got it. If your lunch is salad one day and then three Kit-Kats the next you are probs a Fake Tan Mum. If you’ve had a dodgy bit of fake tan on your chest where your baby dribbled and wiped it off- you are definitely a Fake Tan Mum.
Join my Fake Tan Mum Club on Instagram- The Fake Tan Mum.